How to Let Go of the Past Relationship
Learn to let go of 6 steps. Many times we cling to people, things or situations for fear of losing them. It is such fear, to be without them, that we accumulate feelings, beliefs, and emotions that have to do with those things that we are not willing to let go. We are afraid to change, to let in the new because it can mean letting go of the old. For example, I can not get rid of that pendant that my ex-boyfriend gave me, the one I loved so much. Or I can not cut with my partner, because if I lose it, I’m left without anyone by my side. Or I can not let go of that company, which has taken so much effort, because I keep trying to overcome it even though I know there is nothing to do.
Why Do We Cling to Things and People?
We often find it hard to let go of memories, people or situations that meant a lot to us. Or that they hurt us. Or even that they made us have good times but are no longer in our lives. We cling, so as not to feel the pain, the fear, or the sadness that gives us to get rid of that, which was or has already happened in our lives.
It can be a specific time, a person, ( I can not live without you, I need you … there are some phrases that I often hear) an object or a situation. And instead, we prefer to continue living in the past, with those boxes of books, or that memory of a couple, or that family home that we can not get rid of, because even if we want it is superior to us. We are hooked on ” what could be, and it was not” and unwittingly we are trapped in a circle with no way out. We create an emotional or mental dependence that binds us and does not let us live.
It’s funny, because not only do we cling to people, things or even situations, but we also get hooked with our thoughts, our fixed beliefs without wanting to change them. Dependence is like a drug, which creates addiction, the more you think, the more you want to be with that person or in that place.
How Do I Start to Let Go, and Let My Past Go?
To begin to let go, first of all, we must begin to accept and assimilate that things were as they were, and that we can not change them, although we would like to change them with all our strength.
We must also begin to admit that what we want to release, hurts, there is a loss of something we had, and now we will not have. Letting go means being willing to give up something. For example, be willing to give up that dream of that company that we had started with all the illusion of the world, but that did not work. Or accept that this ex-partner was in the past, and he will not return, no matter how much that hurts.
Therefore, it is important that we go through the pain that causes us to let go of that object, that thought, person or that emotion that we wanted so much. Crossing, that is to say, allowing us to feel that pain, or that fear, that we feel, by saying goodbye, to that which we have conserved so long with us. That is, we have to do a duel. We have to say goodbye through a letter, a ritual, something that helps us close the past and focus on the present.
Detachment from a source of attachment hurts because the organism is habituated and has created a conditioning, but it is a healing pain.
-Walter Riso –
6 Steps to Start Releasing
- Realize what has you hooked
What is your addiction or your emotional drug? Who can you stop thinking about? How do you get hooked? Often they are more of a situation or people that we can not get rid of.
- For your negative thoughts
Do not let your negative thoughts enter you. Find a word that will help you to leave them out of your head. For example, enough, so far, no more.
- Write a letter with everything that makes you angry or hurt
Express all your sadness, your pain, and your rancor. Imagine that you can communicate everything that you could not say and that you would have liked. That you can say everything without censorship. Say goodbye to the person or situation. Also, try to thank all that you have given that person or past situation.
- Read the letter out loud
Imagine that you have the person or the situation in front of you, if it is difficult for you, you can always put a cushion that represents that person or situation. Lol, kick, shout if necessary. Read it as many times as necessary, until you feel that the letter frees you, that there is nothing left to say.
- Burn or break the letter
Once you have read the letter aloud imagining that you have the person or situation in front, burn or break the letter as you feel. Take the ashes or the remains, to a special place for you and bury them. Finish off and leave.
- Enjoy the little things
Leave your past behind and start living. Find yourself new things that you like to do. For example, do sports, go for a walk, find a nice hobby, watch a movie, read novels, etc.
The confidence of the new thing that is to come
Once, we have accepted, that things are the way they are, (notice that we say accepted instead of resigned) and we have been able to feel that pain, without censorship inside us, we are ready to let go that which bound us to the past. We are ready to accept and be able to change something in our life.
It is in that moment where we can give space to something new, and we have to give ourselves the possibility of trusting in life, and in ourselves to experience the new, that life has prepared for us.
Therefore, letting go means that we can TRUST in spite of, that they have hurt us, there are new airs, hopes, and desires that we can realize and live again.